Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Dumbest Criminals Ever

We have all heard tons of stories and seen many news accounts regarding criminals that don’t seem to have a clue when it comes to following laws, and even worse off as they break them. These types of criminals seem to have zero sense as they make ridiculous choices- some humorous and some harmful, but still very, very dumb. Below are truly some of the dumbest criminals of all time.

1. In San Francisco, California, a man wanting to rob a Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said “OK” and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

In Brooklyn, New York, Victor Marin was stealing $218 in cash from an apartment he had broken into, for some reason he decided to take out his own wallet and lay it on a bed. When he left, he forgot something, yep, his wallet! When Marin returned minutes later, the apartment’s resident was back. Marin knocked on the door and offered to return the money in exchange for his wallet, which contained his ID and credit cards. The victim told him to stuff the money under the front door one by one. That gave police time to show up and arrest him.

3. In Oslo, Norway, two men in their early 20s decided to wreck an elevator in a train station by violently kicking the closed doors…while they were still inside. The doors jammed, and the elevator stopped, sounding an alarm that alerted security guards. The guards tried to lower the elevator, but the doors jammed even more, so they called the police and the fire department. The two vandals were eventually freed — and promptly arrested. Their actions were recorded on the elevator’s security camera.

4. An individual (we are assuming a woman) stole more than a half million dollars worth of different feminine products from sanitary napkins to tampons. The thieves broke into several shipping containers to steal their loot. Once they entered the containers, they completely wiped out the entire line of products. I am not sure there is a high black market value for tampons, but one never knows I guess.

5. In McDonald County, Missouri, Eric Bishop and Justin Forcum managed to crawled through a hole, bust out of jail and didn’t get caught in the process. They then stole a pickup truck and some drugs and had a dandy of a time. Instead of just running away for good, they decided to sneak back into jail and were then caught by correctional officers. Why… why?

6. In West Palm Beach, Florida Frank Singleton, a young 21 year old had just been released from jail. However, when he realized that he didn’t have a ride home, he walked straight into the prison parking lot and attempted to carjack a woman. He was foiled when he realized that he couldn’t drive a car with a stick shift. As he was re-arrested — this time, for felony carjacking — Singleton told police that he simply “didn’t feel like walking.”

7. In Bristol, Tennessee a gentleman by the name of Randy Lewis was at least trying to be responsible by not driving drunk to go on a beer run. Instead, he had his 10-year-old son drive. The boy proceeded to crash the car at an estimated 90 miles per hour. The elder Lewis had not only a blood-alcohol content of over three times the state limit, but he also had cocaine in his system — not to mention two other children in the vehicle. Lewis was charged with drunk driving, reckless endangerment and child abuse and was booked wearing a t-shirt reading “Buy this dad a beer.”

8. A woman was reporting her car as stolen and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

9. According to Publix employees in Spring Hill, FL, Mark Alan Belkola was seen shoving six packs of steaks down his shorts. When authorities caught him they found 8 steaks and a jar of Vaseline. He claimed, “I’m starving, that’s why I took the steaks!” I wasn’t aware Vaseline was edible?? Umm…

10. In Bendorf, Germany a 27-year-old man arrived for his road driving test smelling of alcohol. Although he insisted to the instructor that he hadn’t had anything to drink, he proceeded to drive erratically, at which point the instructor directed him to pull into a parking lot…at a police station. The man was booked for driving with a blood-alcohol content of three times the legal limit. And he failed the test.

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