Really Funny Jokes
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Monday, May 10, 2010
Short funny jokes-High tech
Did you hear about the baby born in the high tech delivery room?
It was cordless!
It was cordless!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Really funny jokes-Dying preacher
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.
As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything. Both the doctor and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them.
They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?
The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves..and that's how I want to go."
As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything. Both the doctor and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them.
They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?
The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves..and that's how I want to go."
Monday, April 12, 2010
Funny Doctor Patient jokes - Fifty dollars
Patient: How much do you charge for extracting a tooth?
Doctor: Fifty dollars.
Patient: Fifty dollars, for only a few second's work?
Doctor: Well, I will do it very slowly.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Short Doctor jokes - Wish
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said,
"I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?".
"Yes," replied the patient faintly, "Another doctor".
Friday, April 2, 2010
Very short funny jokes - Doctor
Patient: Doctor doctor, I think I need glasses.
Waiter: You certainly do, you've just walked into a fast food joint!!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Doctor jokes-Fat lady
A fat lady: (To a health expert) Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness.
Health expert: Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time.
Fat lady: At which particular time?
Health expert: Whenever anybody asks you to eat.
Health expert: Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time.
Fat lady: At which particular time?
Health expert: Whenever anybody asks you to eat.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Short funny jokes-Life's savings
Patient: I have spent 80% of my life's savings on doctors.
Doctor : Why didn't you come to me earlier?
Friday, February 26, 2010
Doctor jokes-Guidelines for success
Doctor's son: Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines of success.
Doctor : Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly.
Doctor : Always, write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Really funny jokes-Sam and John
Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon. The surgeon said, "You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours." So Sam came back in four hours and the surgeon said, "I got done faster than I expected to. John is down at the local pub." Sam went to the pub and saw John throwing darts.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John cut his leg off. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Legs are a little tougher - come back in six hours." Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early - John's down at the soccer field." Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking goals.
A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Gee, heads are really tough. Come back in twelve hours." So Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said, "I'm sorry, John died." Sam said, "I understand - heads are tough." The surgeon said, "Oh, no! The surgery went fine! John suffocated in that plastic bag!"
A few weeks later, Sam and John were out again, and John cut his leg off. Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Legs are a little tougher - come back in six hours." Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early - John's down at the soccer field." Sam went to the soccer field and there was John, kicking goals.
A few weeks later, John had a terrible accident and cut his head off. Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon. The surgeon said, "Gee, heads are really tough. Come back in twelve hours." So Sam returned in twelve hours and the surgeon said, "I'm sorry, John died." Sam said, "I understand - heads are tough." The surgeon said, "Oh, no! The surgery went fine! John suffocated in that plastic bag!"
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Doctor jokes-Psychiatrists attending convention
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together.
One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."
The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."
The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret....
One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."
The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."
The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret....
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Doctor jokes-Young gynecologist
An old woman was taken to a gynecologist for the very first time, and of course the gynecologist was a very young and handsome fellow. The doctor was very thorough in his examination, and of course the old woman was quite embarrassed throughout the whole examination. Finally, the exam was over and the doctor told her to get dressed and come in to his office to talk about his findings.
The old woman listened intently as the doctor gave her the results. She then said she really only had one question for him.
The doctor said, "What is the question you have?"
"Tell me young man, does your mother know how you make a living?"
The old woman listened intently as the doctor gave her the results. She then said she really only had one question for him.
The doctor said, "What is the question you have?"
"Tell me young man, does your mother know how you make a living?"
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Doctor jokes-Eyesight
"I went to see my doctor… Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah…I told him once… Doctor…every morning when I get up and look in the mirror..I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me? He said..I don't know but your eyesight is perfect"
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Doctor jokes-The treatment
A man walks into his doctor's office and puts a note on the table for the doctor to read. It said, "I can't talk! Help me!"
The doctor nodded sagely, and instructed the man to put his thumb on the table. The man thinks to himself that his thumb has nothing to do with his inability to talk, but he does as the doctor ordered.
The doctor quickly picked up a big book and whacks the man's thumb with it as hard as he could.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! !!" the man yelled.
"Good, good," the doctor said. "Come back tomorrow and we'll work on the `B'."
The doctor nodded sagely, and instructed the man to put his thumb on the table. The man thinks to himself that his thumb has nothing to do with his inability to talk, but he does as the doctor ordered.
The doctor quickly picked up a big book and whacks the man's thumb with it as hard as he could.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! !!" the man yelled.
"Good, good," the doctor said. "Come back tomorrow and we'll work on the `B'."
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Really funny jokes-Waiting at the Medical clinic
A man arrived at a walk-in medical clinic, promptly at opening time, only to find two other men outside, waiting.
The door was still locked.
He knew one of the men and they started talking. About five minutes later the receptionist came running across the parking lot, apologizing for being late.
The man turned to his friend and asked, "Are you first in line to see the doctor?"
"Yes," the other replied.
"Well, I guess I'm third then," he said.
"No," the second man said, "you're second."
"Second? What about you?"
"I'm the doctor."
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Doctor jokes-Seat
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that."
The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that."
Friday, October 23, 2009
Really funny jokes-Annual physical
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."
"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."
"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."
Friday, October 16, 2009
Doctor jokes-Knock
The doctor knocked at the hospital door before entering ManMohan's room.
ManMohan called out to come in.
The doctor then proceeded to tell ManMohan to remove all of his clothing after which he gave him a thorough, from top to bottom, front to back, leaving no part of his body untouched.
When he had finished, ManMohan looked the doctor straight in the eye and asked, "Doctor, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," he replied.
ManMohan asks, "Why did you even bother to knock?"
ManMohan called out to come in.
The doctor then proceeded to tell ManMohan to remove all of his clothing after which he gave him a thorough, from top to bottom, front to back, leaving no part of his body untouched.
When he had finished, ManMohan looked the doctor straight in the eye and asked, "Doctor, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course," he replied.
ManMohan asks, "Why did you even bother to knock?"
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Doctor jokes-Animated discussion
Two Indian doctors working in an American hospital were having an animated discussion.
"I say it's spelt W-R-R-O-O-M," said one.
"No, it is W-O-O-M-B," said the other.
A nurse passing by said, "Excuse me, you are both wrong. It is spelled W-O-M-B."
"Thanks nurse," said one, "but we prefer to settle this argument ourselves. Besides, we don't think you are in a position to describe the sound of an elephant farting underwater."
"I say it's spelt W-R-R-O-O-M," said one.
"No, it is W-O-O-M-B," said the other.
A nurse passing by said, "Excuse me, you are both wrong. It is spelled W-O-M-B."
"Thanks nurse," said one, "but we prefer to settle this argument ourselves. Besides, we don't think you are in a position to describe the sound of an elephant farting underwater."
Monday, September 14, 2009
Quality jokes-Transplants
The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."
"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants. "
"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized. "
"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplants. "
"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that I needed to get reorganized. "
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