Saturday, November 13, 2010

Really Funny Jokes

Really funny jokes Welcome to Really Funny Jokes and Hilarious Jokes. Please bookmark us and visit daily for free jokes.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Doctor jokes-Epidural

My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth. Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.

Her response: "Just meet me in the parking lot!"

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Clean jokes-Calming with tranquilizers

The young mother was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am going to give you a prescription for some tranquillizers that I want you to start taking

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down any?"

"Oh, yes" the mother answered. "They do wonders for me."

"And how is your son now?" he asked.

She replied, "Who cares ..."

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Blonde jokes-During the birth

"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician solicitously.
"Nah," replied the blonde mother to be.
"He and my husband don't get along."

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Adult jokes | Castrated

"Doc," says Arthur, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement?
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done," replies Arthur.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor.
"It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind - either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, O.K.," says the doctor. "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Arthur has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading toward him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Arthur, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised. "
Arthur stared at him in horror. "Damn! THAT'S the word!!!"

Clean jokes-Family Feet Business

I heard once of story of a family firm who cornered the feet market. One brother sold shoes, each shoe had a hidden fatal flaw. As a direct result the victim's feet needed treatment with the second brother, who was the only Chiropodist in town.

Legend had it that the chiropodist was so incompetent that the only way the victim could get home was in a taxi. You're ahead of me now, the third brother had the only taxi firm for miles around.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Really funny jokes-Double dose

A man went to the doctor's office to get a double dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose.

"Why not?" asked the man.
"Because it's not safe," replied the doctor.
"But I need it really bad," said the man.
"Well, why do you need it so badly?" asked the doctor.

The man said, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a double dose."

The doctor finally relented saying, "Okay, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects."

On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling. The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"

The man said, "No one showed up."

Monday, September 6, 2010

Adult jokes | Doc's solution

The doc told him that masturba*ting before sex often helped men last longer the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it," He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted. "Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes"

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Short funny jokes - Doctor and patient

Patient: May I have a glass of water, doctor. Doctor: Are you thirsty?
Patient: No... I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Doctor jokes - Test

Doctor: Mr. Krish, you look exhausted. Krish: I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Good jokes-There is somebody under my bed

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a Psychiatrist and told him I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the psychiatrist. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'

'How much do you charge?'

'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.

'I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you,' I said.

Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street.

'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new SUV.

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed - ain't nobody under there now! '

Monday, August 9, 2010

Clean jokes-Looks of your wife

After completing his examination, the doctor took her husband aside. "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither, Doc." Said the husband. "But she’s a good cook and the kids seem to like her."

Friday, July 23, 2010

Funny joke-Medication for rest of life

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? '
'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
'I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Really funny jokes-Son performing operation

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
'Yes, Dad, what is it? '

'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Funny jokes-Toilet problem

An old guy went to his doctor and said, "I have this toilet problem doc."
"Well," replied the doc, "How's your urination?"
"Every morning at 7am - like a baby!" said the old man.
"Good," replied the doc, "How about your bowel movements?"
"8am every morning - like clockwork!" answered the old guy.
"So what's the problem then?" asked the doc.
"Well," replied the old man, "I don't get up till 9am!"

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Good jokes - Anesthetist

Dwayne is recovering from surgery in St Peter's, Chertsey, UK, having had a local anesthetic when a nurse asks him how he's feeling.' I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery'.

'What did he say?' asks the nurse.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Doctor jokes-Dizzy

Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?
Patient: When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour.
Doctor: Try getting up one hour later.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Good jokes-Less

A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, 'Can I have a pint of Less, please?' I'm sorry sir, 'the barman replies,

looking slightly puzzled, 'I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?'

'I've no idea, 'replies the guy, 'The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less.'

Monday, June 14, 2010

Birthday jokes-To the doctor

Q. Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
A. Because it was feeling crumby!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Really funny jokes-Biopsy mix up

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello, Mrs. Ward, please."


"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, the results are either bad or terrible."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."

"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.

"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him......

Monday, May 17, 2010

Doctor jokes-Good & bad news

The doctor tells his patient: "Dianne, I have some good news and some bad news."
Dianne asks for the good news first.
"Well, the test results are in, and the good news is that you aren't suffering from Pre-menstrual Syndrome, as you'd feared."
"And the bad news?" Dianne asks.
To which the Doc replies: "I'm afraid there's no cure for being a natural b**ch."

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