Really Funny Jokes
Welcome to Really Funny Jokes and Hilarious Jokes. Please bookmark us and visit daily for free jokes.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Blonde jokes-Flasing red light
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Blonde jokes-Donation
A blonde's son: Dad, there is some one at the door collecting
donations for a swimming pool.
Blonde dad: Give him a glass of water.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Blonde jokes-Go to bed
Last Xmas, a blonde was given a gift certificate from Bloomingdale' s for a rather elaborate and expensive foreign made coffee-an-latte machine, by one of her admirers. It had all the latest gadgets, bells and whistles on it.
Knowing her propensity for getting instructions mixed up, she went to the store to pick it up and get some first hand instructions on the electric machines operation. The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee would be ready."
A few weeks later, she returned to the store and the salesman inquired as to how she liked the coffee maker.
"Wonderful!" She replied, "However, there's one thing that really"bugs me" and I don't quite understand.
Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"
Knowing her propensity for getting instructions mixed up, she went to the store to pick it up and get some first hand instructions on the electric machines operation. The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee would be ready."
A few weeks later, she returned to the store and the salesman inquired as to how she liked the coffee maker.
"Wonderful!" She replied, "However, there's one thing that really"bugs me" and I don't quite understand.
Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Blonde jokes-Did you hear about the blonde who:
1. had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
2. thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
3. was told she was a silly puss, but insisted that she didn't have a crazy cat?
4. after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didnt get taller girls?
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Blonde jokes-Road signs
A crew of highway maintenance workers were sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one member, a blonde, looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?"
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one member, a blonde, looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?"
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Blonde jokes-Did you hear about the blonde who:
1)had more on her body than on her mind?
2)was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
3)took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
4)got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Blonde jokes-Flight enquiry
A blonde called a travel agent and asked, "How long is a flight from New York to San Francisco?" "Just a minute," said the agent.
The blonde said thank you and hung up.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Blonde jokes-Turn signals
A guy and his blonde girlfriend are driving to the movies one night for a date.
As the guy was making a right turn, he noticed his turn signal light inside the car didn't light up at all. So as he approached the next right turn, he asked his girlfriend to please stick her head out the window and tell him if his turn signal is working.
She happily obliges and at the turn she sticks her head out the window and replies, "It is... It isn't... It is... It isn't... It is... It isn't.""
As the guy was making a right turn, he noticed his turn signal light inside the car didn't light up at all. So as he approached the next right turn, he asked his girlfriend to please stick her head out the window and tell him if his turn signal is working.
She happily obliges and at the turn she sticks her head out the window and replies, "It is... It isn't... It is... It isn't... It is... It isn't.""
Friday, January 16, 2009
Blonde's Headset
A hairdresser was trying to cut a blonde's hair but, because she refused to take off the headset of her iPod, he found his task very difficult. Finally, exasperated, he pulled off the handset and she collapsed on the floor.
An ambulance rushed her to hospital but too late, she was dead. The hairdresser felt very bad about this but wondered what she was listening to.
He put on the headset and heard the words, "Breathe in....breathe out....breathe in....!"
An ambulance rushed her to hospital but too late, she was dead. The hairdresser felt very bad about this but wondered what she was listening to.
He put on the headset and heard the words, "Breathe in....breathe out....breathe in....!"
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Blonde jokes-Quarterback
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They hadv great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'
Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'
'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! ' I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!
'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'
Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'
'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was:
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! ' I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Blonde jokes-Tan
One day 2 blondes walked into a tanning salon.
One blonde said, "A tan for 2 please!"
The cashier said, " Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "Are you two sisters?"
They chuckled and replied, "No, we aren't even Catholic."
One blonde said, "A tan for 2 please!"
The cashier said, " Ok," filled out a form for them and asked, "Are you two sisters?"
They chuckled and replied, "No, we aren't even Catholic."
Monday, December 15, 2008
Blonde jokes-One wish
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish."
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the church supports me. I am content in all ways."
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said.
"Just name it," said God.
"It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. "Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel!"
"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish."
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the church supports me. I am content in all ways."
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said.
"Just name it," said God.
"It's those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. "Blond jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel!"
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Blonde jokes-Witness
With the blonde on the witness stand the attorney opened his questioning. "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"Objection! Irrelevant!" Cried the other lawyer.
"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the stand. "I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the lawyer said again.
"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."
The judge ruled, "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the attorney repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"I don't know!"
"Objection! Irrelevant!" Cried the other lawyer.
"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the stand. "I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the lawyer said again.
"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."
The judge ruled, "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the attorney repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"I don't know!"
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Blonde jokes-Babies
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said,
"All right, who's the other father!?!"
"All right, who's the other father!?!"
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Blonde jokes-Burglary
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Blonde jokes-Government class
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware "
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware "
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